Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How You Think of Yourself - Self Image

One thing that most people don't know about me  (beside my bff) is that most of my complex thoughts happen at night. I don't think I'm the only one that has this, but at night when its the quietest and your allow with your thoughts and you think about all that you've done that day, within your life, who you want to be and what has been said. You come up with questions and answers that baffle you and cause my questions than answers.
Most of my thoughts consist of what I want to be and how I wish I could just be myself and people would except and understand me. The things that I think are usually the actions I'm too afraid to make or words that I wont say. Its like there is a different person in a alternate universe that looks like me.

Tonight after I got ready for bed I took a long look at myself in the mirror (yes everyone does this everyday) but i really looked at myself. I know sounds kinda weird to say (I MEAN YOU ALWAYS LOOK T YOURSELF CHRISTINA) but, I thought about all the hateful discouraging things that have been said to me on my short existence on this planet so far and then i thought about all the hateful things I've said to myself (like your so dark, your so ugly, I wish I was her) and that's when i realized . . . . you're the biggest critic of yourself and you can also be you're self's best motivator. 
As i looked in the mirror I realized that i am beautiful in my own way, i have to stop trying to be what society wants me to be and accept the the fact that I am dark skinned and that's just who I am. 

In my culture, family and even society, dark skin is not likable because people and society teach others to look down upon it. Also in history it was portrayed as evil. Only recently has this been changing BUT ever so slowly. I've been told that I'm too dark, men wouldn't like me because of my skin and I've even thought of bleaching my skin because I've grown up with so much hate. Everyone will still have things that they don't like about themselves but , hey its a  process that everyone must go through to understand themselves and tell others who think other wise to SUCK IT!

I've grown up with this and it still lingers in my mind but, I've come to find happiness in the way I look and I hope others will themselves just the same. 

Thanks for reading if you managed to get to the end :)

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